


I don't know, I'm tired

by kitsunematsuri



Series: The deadly lady [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Comfort, Depression, Gen, M/M, There's no romance here, awkward young adults, but they'll fall in love eventually, distraction, self-harm is mentioned, so i still left the m/m tag, specially the first part, they just met, they're really cute here tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 22:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17517440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsunematsuri/pseuds/kitsunematsuri
Summary: I'm sad and tired so I wrote some kind of comfort to make myself not sad.It's just Ichimaru distracting Hitsugaya from his life going horribly wrong.(Just in case anyone is skeptical about it: Here Hitsugaya is 17 y/o, Ichimaru is 18. Hitsugaya's height is not his canon one, but 157cm, his original one made me feel uncomfy even in Gen stuff lol)





	I don't know, I'm tired

**Author's Note:**

> excuse any errors, i tried re-reading and fixed many grammar mistakes but i might have missed some;;
> 
> i'm not joking when i say i'm tired  
> i shouldn't be writing fics at this hour

Hitsugaya stares into the void like he usually does. The feeling isn't new, but it always makes him feel emptier than usual, like nothing matters anymore.

He sighs, feeling worn out and extremely tired after an unsuccessful night out with his sister. Out of nowhere, he starts crying, laying his head on his legs and hands on the back of his neck. Everything's so stressful, yet it feels like it shouldn't be that stressful. He feels like it's somehow his fault, that the way this affects him is somehow HIS fault only.

In the midst of despair, he hadn't noticed there was someone sitting next him. Now he feels stupid for breaking out crying in the train with people watching him. Though, looking better, it was just the two of them in that wagon.

—Uhm, are you... Okay? —The guy next to him asks, looking uncomfortable and worried. —Well, of course you're not okay... Uhm.

—It's... Alright. I'm sorry. —Hitsugaya tries to wipe his own tears but notices he hasn't actually stopped crying.

The guy reaches to his own bag and takes out a napkin, —don't worry, it's clean. I usually only use them for my glasses but today I didn't wear them, so...

He feels kind of awkward, but takes it anyways while thinking about what kind of stranger hands a napkin to a random crying guy on the train. —Thanks... —He stops but talks again, —why is the wagon empty, by the way? I didn't even realize it.

—I... Don't actually know, I just saw the empty wagon and thought it was my lucky day.

—Are we gonna die?

The guy laughs, —probably?

Hitsugaya finally stops crying, still drying his tears on the borrowed napkin. He looks up at the man sitting next to him, trying to make out just who the hell he was talking with.

Once his vision clears, he sees someone way taller than him, eyes slitted and slightly awkward smile. He'd look awfully normal if it weren't for his pure white hair, it almost even looks like it's not evenly cut.

—Uh, what's your name? —He asks without thinking it twice.

The guy seems taken aback by the sudden question, but replies nonetheless—Ichimaru Gin, yours?

—Hitsugaya Toushirou... You have an awfully weird given name.

—Yeah, well, my parents weren't very creative when they discovered their son was white-haired.

Hitsugaya smiles, —the "Tou" from Toushirou, —he pauses to gather his thoughts, —it's spelled as in "winter".

Ichimaru bursts out laughing at that. And he calls his given name weird?

Hitsugaya just feels a little embarrassed, but he notices he stopped feeling anxious.

—Thanks by the way, —he pauses again, —for the, the napkin, and for talking to me. I kinda needed that.

—Oh, no, you don't need to thank me for that, I just... Felt like you needed someone to talk?

The shorter sighs at that. He's tired of that phrase, but he can't really blame this random guy who probably knows nothing about that kind of thing. He was just trying to help. It still makes him feel worn out again. Like "reality" just sunk in.

Ichimaru does notice that, though, —sorry, I should've chosen my words more carefully.

—It's not... It's not your fault.

They stay in silent for a second, this train ride feels like it's been going for hours, but it's just been 17 minutes, in a 140 minute ride.

Ichimaru breaks the silence, —do you wanna talk about why were you crying? Or am I crossing too many boundaries?

Hitsugaya looks surprised at the question, and would normally just explode and be his usual irritated self. But he feels weak, and willing to let someone else carry him if only for a few minutes.

—I planned to, spend the start of my birthday with my sister, but it went horribly. I, didn't handle it very well. So I started crying, basically.

—Oh, did it really go that bad?

—She never showed up.

Ichimaru feels immediately guilty for asking.

—Well, she DID show up, like, an hour late, and didn't even see me waiting for her. She was, walking around with her boyfriend and, went to a karaoke bar.

—I'm--

—Don't be, I'm sorry if it's kinda heavy to take...

—No no, that's okay, I did ask. I just, didn't expect that. Huh. —Ichimaru looks guilty and that, strangely, makes Hitsugaya feel at ease. Something about someone who isn't his brother caring about him makes him feel warm and sort of happy. Though he knows he's just filling in "affection blanks".

He looks down, smiling slightly and looking at the napkin.

—Oh, I, kinda dirtied your napkin. Is it okay if I take it home and wash it for you? Kind of as a thank you.

—Ah, no, that's okay, you don't need t- —he stops upon noticing Hitsugaya's pout and catches on what he's doing.

—Then how about we meet somewhere so you can give it back? —He proposes, confident smile on his face. Since he had been worried the whole time, that kind of smile takes Hitsugaya off guard. "This guy is actually pretty cute," he thinks to himself.

—Alright then, where?

—How about in the JR Inari line in Kyoto Station? I'm gonna be there tomorrow with friends, so-

—Uhm.

—No?

—I don't actually live in Kyoto.

Ichimaru looks concerned again. —This is a bullet train to Kyoto.

—Yeah, I know, I like to get on random trains when I have the spare money, just to clear my mind.

—You do realize this is a 2 hours ride, right?

—Yeah, I know.

—And that this was the nights last train, they won't be going back until the morning.

—Oh.

Hitsugaya didn't think of that for sure when he decided to get on the train. And he only has money for the ride back, not to pay an expensive hotel or inn. He inevitably sinks his head back to his legs, he really fucked up this time.

—Uh, —Ichimaru's voice takes him out of his thoughts, —I'll guess you don't have enought for a room? Since you said you were using spare money, which I'll take a guess and it's the money you were planning to use for you and your sister.

Hitsugaya doesn't rise, —stop making correct guesses, it's creepy.

—I know we don't really know each other, but you can stay in my house tonight. I live alone in a house with three rooms so, you can sleep as far as possible from me if you want.

He peeks through his arm, —you only sound not creept when you're worried.

—Is that a no?

—I don't, have that many options. It's that or sleeping with the homeless.

—I'd pick the homeless.

Hitsugaya lets out a chuckle, —be quiet, fox-face.

They talk about unimportant things during the rest of the ride. Ichimaru does his best to not mention anything that might make Hitsugaya feel down again, and actually finds himself enjoying the talk as time goes by.

Once they arrive at Ichimaru's house, Hitsugaya is kind of amazed by how fancy it looks. Ichimaru had said "three rooms", but he probably meant three big joint rooms with smaller sections. And he lives in this big place by himself, is he rich or something? While the shorter is busy admiring the big place, Ichimaru takes out from a "hidden place" some bags of junk food.

—Why the hell do you hide that? —Hitsugaya asks as he gets closer.

—My childhood friend is a psychopath who worries a little too much about my health, —he replies, there's a whole mini-fridge inside that thing. —She's nice but I'm gonna die if I only eat "healthy" for the rest of my life.

—She's kept you skinny.

—I guess that's the good part, —says the man as he puts a handfull of foreign cheese puffs into his mouth. —They're too good, though!

—Are those foreign?

—Hmm? This? —He hands the bag to Hitsugaya, expecting him to eat but the only thing he does is examine the bag. —You've never seen a bag of cheetos?

Hitsugaya looks unamused, —of course I have, but these don't look like normal cheetos. They're... Fat, and very orange.

—Oh, I think they're american edition. You know, bigger and unhealthier?

The shorter falls silent and looks down for a moment, but then looks up again, —how do you afford all of this? Exporting food is really expensive.

—You really don't know who I am, huh.

—Should I?

Ichimaru literally pulls out a folded poster from his back pocket and hands it out to Hitsugaya.

He expected the poster to be really flashy, but it's "normal", yet eye catching and... Even sort of cute. It has cute characters all over it. It basically just shows guys and girls modeling really comfy-looking clothes, with small cutesy details such as fake jewels and the characters drawn in the poster. At the bottom it states it's designed by "ichikin". He catches the pun immediately, "ICHImaru GIN". But what surprises him the most, is the fact that he recognizes the signature. He's using one of the jackets in the poster.

—You? —He looks up from the poster, going from completely unamused to excited. —Are you kidding?

Ichimaru laughs, —nope, those are my designs. I'm still studying, but somehow people really liked my designs.

—It's what everyone at Shibuya wears, cool and cutesy things.

—Including you!

He blushes, —I... It's comfortable.

—It sure is. —The taller laughs, stuffing more food into his mouth.

—You're gonna get fat.

Ichimaru offers some, and without thinking it twice, Hitsugaya takes the whole bag.

Overall the night is nice, they didn't even need that many rooms, Hitsugaya kinda fells asleep on Ichimaru as they talked and ate junk food. Ichimaru just figured he was tired.

Even though he pretends to be oblivious to it, he knows what's "wrong" with Hitsugaya. Or, at least discovered it at some point when he shot his arms up and revealed some scars on his wrists for a second. He didn't notice, and Ichimaru never mentioned it. It was "safer" that way. He wasn't really sure how to handle Hitsugaya aside from distracting him from the bad things that could cross his mind, since he was aware "it'll be okay" wasn't a good shot with someone he barely had known for a few hours.

Yet, he still had fun, despite being worried for the person he had been spending the time with. When he wasn't feeling down, Hitsugaya was actually pretty much a normal person. Even if he was easier to get irritated than most, he'd get lighthearted in no time, like it was nothing. And Ichimaru really liked that, having someone to joke with who'd only ignore him jokingly and laugh with him afterwards.

He hopes that after that day, he can see Hitsugaya again. Maybe he'll pretend he doesn't remember about the napkin, so when Hitsugaya goes back home, he can ask for his number to "meet again to get the napkin back".

Talking to him was probably the best decision he'd ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> btw "ichikin" is a pun bc japanese people tend to mess with k/g s/z etc sounds  
> it also is a pun bc kin is gold and gin silver, so he just chose something similar sounding and with a "funny irony"  
> he also sometimes calls himself chikin in public, which means chicken  
> idk i just imagine him being the dumbest fashion designer that japan has shit out
> 
> the part where ichimaru pulls the poster out of his back pocket??? he was originally going to go get it from his office room, but i got flashbacks of fics and mangas where characters literally pull things out of nowhere and was gonna joke about him "pulling it out of his ass"  
> but i resisted  
> there's only so much dumb stuff i can add to this


End file.
